This morning , when my alarm rings , I bumped up and hold my phone. I almost called her. Calling her in the morning is already a habit of mine. Everyday when I go to bed I'll have the same thing in my mind. I wanted to face a brand new day starting with texting/calling her. Telling her how much I miss her and Love her makes me feel great. But now , I cant call her until she says its fine for me to find her.

This is day 1, 21st July 2009. I've been thinking over and over again and I realized my actions were really childish and its normal to feel disgusting on me. I didnt know that I'll do that kind of things. Hmmmm... What leads me to this is the pain within me that cannot be described.

I wanted to cry. Surprisingly I couldn't. Her words holds my tears back. She hates me to cry.In fact, tears are flowing down inside. I should face my problem like a man. Crying doesn't helps at all.

I tried to switch off my phone for a few times but I'll just on it back in a couple of minutes later. A moment I wanted to let her chill and control myself from not bugging her but moments later I'll switch on my phone and wait for her message.

I skipped school today. I didnt do this purposely . I missed the bus to school, So I went home and sit at the balcony for quite sometime. My eyes were focusing on the sky but my heart had flew away. I'm totally hollow now. I talked to my grandma who was sitting there too. I told her I am really childish and I confessed how things happened.I didnt tell her the actual problem. I somehow modified it . I told her that I am facing a lot of problems and I dont really know how to deal with it. She gave me some advice and convince me not to so silly stuffs. She said : 'Think positively my dear. If you really have problems , dont just run away from it. Face it instead.'


'Never Give Up!' That is what I told myself. I loved her more than anything else. I'm really changing. What she needs is sometime to chill and for me is a chance show that I really regretted and had changed . The last thing I told her is ' I'll wait for you.'